In this clip I'm acting like I'm NOT getting hit by a flying dumptruck.

Many years ago, upon moving to San Diego, CA, I first took notice of the road and freeway sign that seemed to show a running family. It took me a minute to figure out what the sign actually meant, which was that there were people being chased down and punched in the butt by a rabid child. Anyway, the fine people at the aptly named jalopnik.com took it upon themselves to index the 10 most confusing signs in the US. I guess they couldn't find that squiglly road sign from the Pee Wee's Big Adventure. That one would have definitely confused me. Here's a link to the site.

http://jalopnik.com/5044869/americas-10-most-confusing-traffic-signs

 

Now, I'm no expert but I would guess that persons under 21 are the final recipient of more Natural Light beer than folks over 21. I mean, it tastes really bad, it's watery, and unless you're a really poor alcoholic needing to get drunk on his last $5, you'll upgrade to a slightly less awful beer. Only high school kids and young college kids lack enough pride, taste and job options to confidently justify the purchase of Natural Light. Well, those people and hillbilly rednecks. I once saw a hillbilly redneck drink piss to wash the blood out of his mouth. Anyway, here are some commercials from a Natural Night marketing campaign introducing "Nattyisms," a series of Natural Light oriented axioms.

Apparently the people at Orangina made the administrative assistant eat a bunch of acid and make a commercial inspired by the concept of living vicariously through her power animal. Based on the taste preferences of my dogs, I place no trust in an animated elk and bear to assist me in my beverage purchases. No thank you Mr. Orangina, I;ll stick with Sunny D.

It's like dessert for beer!

Sometimes, there's a man so stupid that the fact he's made it to adulthood alive is amazing. Christopher Kron is that man. And now he's negotiating a jail sentence for the dumbest burglary of all time. Aside from getting his unobstructed face on camera, he stayed around the restaurant he was robbing while the alarm blared and even answered the phone from the security company and gave them his name, just to steal a bottle of liquor and a bottle of beer. And if that wasn't enough, he stopped by the restaurant the following morning. Needless to say, he was collected by the police not too long afterward. 

 Here's a link to the article: http://www.winknews.com/news/local/26953354.html

 And here's the television news clip:

 

 

Really, it's not. It's a living white trash people joke. These ICP idiots had an Insane Clown funeral for their recently deceased baby. And though this is quite sad on its own, one can only imagine what will happen when their dead baby gets old enough in Heaven years to learn earthly secrets, see people privately masturbating, and use Heaven's internet. It's bad enough to know that your parents are mentally retarded but to dress your dead body in ICP gear and circulate it around the internet is wrong upon wrong.

There is a whole video of this nonsense here.

According to Rocky Twyman, God needs to, once again, step away from needy and pander to his collection-plate-filling constituents of the American driving class. Rocky suggests to the San Francisco Chronicle that people pray for God to force the price of gasoline down, as he prefers not to pursue the issue through the proper methods of approaching such a problem in a representative democracy. Prayer is simple and it sounds like Rocky is cheap, he likes attention, and he's an idiot.

Anyway, I just said a quick prayer for Rocky and I won't be specific, but I'm hoping Rocky comes out on the business end of a really confusing day at a pregnant teen's house.

Link: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/04/26/BUCN10C1KR.DTL

The Haunted American Tours website! Apparently the people of America have voted and the obnoxiously titled award of The Most Haunted Paranormal Couple of the Year goes to Greg and Judy Myers of Paranormal Task Force. Based on the looks of Greg and Judy they could also get a number an award for overall loseriness. Plus, getting an award from a website that looks like a crying crack-baby put to html can't do much for your self esteem. "Us even bigger losers at Haunted American Tours give you this dumb ass award. Please acknowledge us!" Anyway, here's a link to the site.

http://www.hauntedamericatours.com/ghosthunting/paranormalcouple.php

 

I'm thinking a ridiculously impractical novelty shoe is the way to go. Oh how ironic I could be. And if you're a woman, the selection of bad ideas is triply better. Just check out this list ( http://www.zuzafun.com/strange-shoes )